Your strengths are all you need.

Side rant—Matt is so good at loving me. I have learned more about love and loving myself since being married to him than I have learned my entire life. Last week I was feeling pretty drained emotionally, physically, spiritually, everything. It was a day when I normally only have two classes and that day one of them had been cancelled. But I felt like I didn’t have a real reason to skip school. So I texted Matt and asked his opinion. His response? “Don’t go! Forget school! God is more important! Souls trump school! You should just stay home or go back home if you already left.” This is why I married that man. He knows me so well and that if I even hint at needing a break I must REALLY need one.

So on that day when I stayed home and did nothing but drink tea, watch beautiful movies (like Breakfast at Tiffany’s. One of my favorites.), write in my journal, read letters I wrote my family when I lived in France, and have very long and tear-filled soul talks with God… I learned so much.

Sometimes I just feel like real, lasting change and triumph over my weaknesses is nearly impossible for me. Change is really hard and doesn’t seem to ever come, and when it does it sometimes seems like a short time later I am thinking “Oh yeah, I have already learned this. And here I am struggling with it again.” But this week I have realized that this is how change works and that I really do change every day.

I recently found something beautiful that I think illustrates this thought perfectly: “Progress through something traumatic, it’s not linear. It’s not like we go from unhealthy to healthy, failure to success. I think it’s all circular. You just come back around to the same pain, and the same loneliness. But each time you come around you’re stronger from the climb.” -Glennon Doyle Melton

Every time we think we have changed, we seem to come back around and have to face that problem all over again. But I agree with Glennon. I believe that every time we have defeated that dragon once again, we are stronger. We have learned something new. And we will never be the same again.

For me, this is very significant when looked at through the eyes of spirituality. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and we believe that when we are baptized, we make certain promises to God and he makes promises to us. We are only baptized once, but every Sunday after that we go to church and take the sacrament (the bread and water) and we renew that promise that we made with God. One of the things promised to us is that if we come to church repenting (meaning wanting to change, desiring to do better and fix things we have done wrong) then every time we take that bread and water we are changed. We are a new person. Our desires for good are strengthened and our desires for bad lose some of their hold on us. And nothing will ever be the same again.

It's good to know where you are weak so you are aware of where you can improve, but I think there is danger in starting out a quest for change by focusing on everything wrong with you. For me, it is so defeating. I get so wrapped up in every little thing wrong with me that I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, and any belief that I can actually conquer those weaknesses is long gone.

This week I have realized that for me it is incredibly easier to change if I overcome my weaknesses by focusing on my strengths. I know that sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but think about this. I have so much more power when I start out my journey acknowledging the ground I have already won. Instead of “I say the meanest things when I get sassy. How can I hurt people this way? I am not very kind.” I try to think “Ok, who can I love today? What can I do to love them? I am pretty good with my words and compliments. I am going to try to genuinely compliment X amount of people today.” See the difference? I think the end result of speaking fewer mean words is accomplished, without even having to hate yourself for being a mean person! And since this method is so guilt free, it’s a lot harder to lose momentum. Because every time I make even a little progress I am not greeted by my inner voice telling me how much I lack. Because my goal has absolutely nothing to do with what I lack.

And if you still think I am crazy, my good friend Socrates once said “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

There we go. We are not nouns, we are verbs. Constantly in motion and ever-changing. And if we stop assessing our progress by how much we still lack and instead love ourselves for what we have gained, we can start being exactly who we want to be almost immediately. We can start living the life we have always wanted to live. One where we walk around with a purpose and are so grateful to be exactly who we are and where we are. Where we feel that we are the masters of our own fates and the captains of our souls.

xoxo, Autumn