Seeing Green

Today will be short and sweet. A pint-sized pick me up.  

I recently watched this video from Hope Works called 'Seeing Green.' (Think Ted talks meet Mormons.) You'll have to watch it to fully understand I think, but here is my brief bit on why this is completely changing my life.

The premise of her talk is that we all live in a world of blue. We have always lived in a blue world and because of that we don't know anything different. We don't really understand color because nothing is color it is simply blue.

Then one day we get thrown into a world of yellow. When this happens there are usually 3 groups of people: 

1) There are the people who hate yellow. They would do anything to go back to blue. They fantasize blue and they think that blue was so much better than yellow. They think that everything will be good and they will be happy again if they can just get back to blue. 

2) There are the people who just love yellow, and in turn completely reject blue. They decide that obviously if they are now in yellow that must mean that blue was bad and they must get rid of any remnants of blue left in them. Yellow must be the only good thing. 

3) Then there are the people who think "I can't just reject blue. I lived blue. It was a part of me. But I also can't reject yellow. I am living yellow. It is a part of me. I was given blue. But I was also given yellow. Is there something I am missing? Is there something else?" And then that's when they see GREEN. 

You see, I served a mission for my church in France and I lived there for a year-and-a-half. It was amazing. I don't even have words to express to you how much it changed my life and how fulfilling and joyful it was. It was blue. Then I returned home a changed person and was thrown into a world of yellow. I tried really hard to keep on living and and keep up the things that helped me change so much when I lived in France. But there have been times when I felt like I just wasn't doing very well. Sometimes I wished I was back in France and convinced myself that if I was in blue everything would be ok. But there were also times when I tried to almost forget about my mission in an effort to live my new life and not fantasize the past. I tried to throw myself completely into yellow and reject the blue. 

I am here to tell you that both those options are impossible and deeply unfulfilling. I believe that God wants us to embrace them both. Embrace the green. You see, God gave me those blue experiences. He gave them to me, He wanted me there and he wanted me to experience everything I did. He wanted it to change me and become a part of me. But God also gave me yellow. He he gave it to me and he wants me to embrace it. He wants me to love it and for it to change me. He never intended for me to stay in blue forever, but he also never intended me to forget about blue when I came home. Today I am in yellow and that is good. Blue was also good. God wants me to take them both, embrace them both fully, and start seeing green. 

I hope this makes sense. It blows my mind again every time I think about it again. God is so wise. I love him for giving me blue and giving me yellow and for helping me see green. I truly believe that everything that happens to us is for a reason,the good and the bad. God can take all of those experiences, even the hard and sad ones, and turn our lives into something more glorious than we could ever do on our own. 

I love you. Keep on looking for God in everything and everyone.

xoxo Autumn

P.S. Voila the video.

La douceur de ne rien faire.

I recently read a short book called ‘The Art of Doing Nothing.’ The title intrigued me and I had seen several quotes that I love from the author, so I decided to give it a try. It was such a simple book, but it completely changed the way I have thought about a lot of things for a long time. There was one phrase in particular that seemed to sum up a lot more about me than I would like to admit: “We feel there is nothing we can’t do. Except doing nothing.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, has been my life. For as long as I can remember I have gotten antsy during movies and felt the itch to at least be sewing or writing in my journal during the show. I can’t just sit there. (This may be part of the reason I sometimes hate movie theatres.) I’m a great multi-tasker and most definitely mix all of my leisure with some work. I can do nothing but work for hours, but do nothing but play and rest? What does that even look like?

For a long time I think I have measured at least some of my value by what I have produced. An A on my transcript is proof I busted my buns in that class. A sparkling kitchen means I scrubbed and dried and worked hard. A to-do list with little check marks on it means that I get stuff done! But what do I get for taking a break? What physical proof do I have that I am doing something productive with my life? The answer is basically none. But is my value as a person really measured by my physical proof of productivity? Do things you do only have value if you have something to show for it other than reduced anxiety and lack of bags under your eyes? No!

But it is oh so hard to convince yourself otherwise. Hard work is valued highly in nearly every culture and society. I don’t know how many times I have heard phrases like “elbow grease” and “you can sleep when you’re dead.” Heck, I say those phrases. Every time my husband tells me to take a break. That’s why this is so hard. We feel lazy and unproductive when we let ourselves relax and simply do nothing but think and dream.

“I constantly remind myself that resting takes confidence. Anyone can train like a mad man, but to embrace rest…takes mental strength.” Ryan Hall

Resting and allowing yourself to take breaks really does take confidence. It takes a lot of strength to say “I have worked hard enough. Now I am going to renew myself.” But I think that is one of the most beautiful forms of self love. Because you are saying to yourself in that moment “I am enough.” You approve of yourself. And you recognize that your worth is not just based on everything that you produce.

Now, I am not advocating laziness and idleness. I do believe that there is virtue in work and that if I work hard I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. But I think there is a balance. D. Todd Christofferson said : “Just as honest toil gives rest its sweetness, wholesome recreation is the friend and steadying companion of work.” I just love that. Rest is not the end all be all, but it is the steadying companion and balancer of hard work. Neither of them work quite as well when they work alone, but together they create a profoundly fulfilling life.

“There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.” -Alan Cohen

I think part of that balance comes from the intentions behind our work and our leisure. I believe that things are good or bad depending on how we use or abuse them. For example, I think Facebook and Instagram and Netflix and movies and a lot of other “time-wasters” are AMAZING. I believe that so much good can come from these things if we use them well! If I went home and was feeling pretty beat after a long day at school, I could mindfully turn on my favorite show and watch some of it to relax before I go onto other things I need to do. Or I could go home and try to numb all of the anxiety I am feeling over my mountain of homework and watch Netflix to get away from it all. Identical actions. Very different effect on my self-esteem and how renewed I feel when I am done. The same goes for social media. There is a difference between needing a break and going to look at beautiful pictures on Instagram and feeling connected to my friends on there, and mindlessly scrolling through my feed. I think this is maybe the difference between laziness and rest. One is intentional, the other is not. One is loving yourself, and the other is numbing yourself.

So, this is me telling myself I am enough. Right now. Before I check anything off that to-do list. I will allow myself to take naps and take breaks. I will renew my soul and body with beautiful things that serve no other purpose than making me happy. I will give myself permission to live a beautiful life, not just a productive one. (It really helps if you are married to Matt. Every time I tell him that I needed a break so I didn’t do my homework he says “Good for you.” He knows me so well.)

Don’t you think it is so interesting that what a lot of people do for their work is not their passion in life, and yet we always ask people what they do for work? Why don’t we ask people what they do when they relax? We can learn so much about each other by asking what we do when we do nothing. I don’t want my answer to be “Well, I stress about everything else that I should be doing.” I want my answer to be “I paint, I dream, I read, I nap, I look at beautiful photos, and I just soak myself in inordinate amounts of self-care and self-love.”

To end all of this I would like to quote my life-changing and inspiring philosophy professor: “We are not defined by our work; we are defined by our leisure.”

Go out and take some time to do nothing today. We’re worth it.

Xoxo, Autumn

Greater and Greater Things.

"I'd rather apologize than to be so timid as to never try to do anything smart or brave." Lee Clow

I am a straight A student. I work really hard and never miss a reading. I spend a lot of time perfecting my homework before I turn it in. And... I feel like I am drowning.

This morning, I sat on my couch, doing my homework for my statistics class which was due at 11:30 am. I usually do my homework way earlier than I need to, but with this particular class, I tend to procrastinate. It's because the mere thought of doing the homework for my statistics class makes me so anxious I feel like I can't breathe. I kind of panic. It scares me to death. So I simply don't do it. At least not until a couple hours before it is due when I am forced to face my fears, not at all courageously.

I know what you must be thinking. I must be getting a really horrible grade in that class. Barely scraping by. Don't understand a thing. Maybe even failing. But actually, I am doing really well in statistics. I have a better grade in that class than I do in communication. Which is my major. (Oh, the irony.) So why? Why the rapid heart beating and the refusal to even think about that dreadful class until I am absolutely forced to?

I think the answer is perfectionism.

You see, I never get perfect grades in that class. My teacher is a pretty strict grader, and the tiniest mistake will always cost you. So every time my homework is handed back to me, I can expect to see a lot of things I am doing wrong. And they are things I did wrong after I studied so much and did my absolute best. It makes me terrified the entire time I am doing my homework that I must be missing something and doing something very wrong.

About a month ago, my parents came to visit me and my Dad told me a story. He told me that when he was in college, one semester he set a goal to get a B in a class. I know! Do you set goals for B's? But he told me that he knew the class was going to be really hard. So he asked himself, is an A worth it? Will it be worth the amount of work I would have to put in? He decided the answer was no, and so he aimed for a B.

I can't stop thinking about this story. First of all, my Father is incredibly wise. Second, shouldn't everything in life be like that? Shouldn't we always be asking "Is this worth it?" Sometimes, it honestly is. If you need a specific GPA or a good grade in a class that will be important in the future, then it absolutely does matter and it deserves extra attention. But I think that often I just forget to pick my battles.

It happens when I am visiting with a dear friend, but thinking in the back of my mind about all of the things I need to get done, instead of sinking into the moment and relishing the connection and building of our friendship. It happens when I tell my husband that I can't cuddle on the couch and watch a show because the dishes really need to get done, instead of showing my husband that I love him in the way he especially appreciates it, and realizing nobody is going to die if the dishes don't get done right away. It happens when I deprive myself of sleep because I am determined to perfect a project that is good enough. When I skip meals so I can keep on working.

Don't get me wrong, there are exceptions. Times when things that matter less simply need to get done. But I cannot live my entire life like that. That’s not really a life at all.

Because there is another thing I have noticed about perfectionism. It kind of makes me avoid risk. Perfectionism is all about doing everything meticulously and 100%. Not in the 90's somewhere, dawdling about. Especially not the low 90's. That is not acceptable. 100. That is the goal. Anything less is failure. So... avoid anything that you won't get 100 on. Which in life... means you may avoid a lot. Avoiding experiences that you might not be great at, but may expand your personality and soul, means that you may never grow. You don’t learn and change and become. You stay small and safe and stagnant.

But I want to be big. I want to be brave. I want to be wild and wildly creative. I want to risk not perfecting my life and just be…you know…me. Messy, but growing. Imperfect, but learning. Not pleasing everyone, but focusing more of my life on the people who really matter to me. Less pristine and romanticized, but decidedly real.

Why do I need an A in my class? Truth be told: I don't. So I am resolving to work hard, study well, go to class, and learn all that I can and expand as a person. And then, whatever will be will be.

I don't think that I will get an A in statistics. But I feel like I am winning my life back.

At least I am starting to. I would be so appreciative of any advice or tips on how to combat perfectionism in whatever aspect of life you struggle with it. I need all the help I can get.

“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.” Rainer Maria Rilke

Xoxo, Autumn

Your strengths are all you need.

Side rant—Matt is so good at loving me. I have learned more about love and loving myself since being married to him than I have learned my entire life. Last week I was feeling pretty drained emotionally, physically, spiritually, everything. It was a day when I normally only have two classes and that day one of them had been cancelled. But I felt like I didn’t have a real reason to skip school. So I texted Matt and asked his opinion. His response? “Don’t go! Forget school! God is more important! Souls trump school! You should just stay home or go back home if you already left.” This is why I married that man. He knows me so well and that if I even hint at needing a break I must REALLY need one.

So on that day when I stayed home and did nothing but drink tea, watch beautiful movies (like Breakfast at Tiffany’s. One of my favorites.), write in my journal, read letters I wrote my family when I lived in France, and have very long and tear-filled soul talks with God… I learned so much.

Sometimes I just feel like real, lasting change and triumph over my weaknesses is nearly impossible for me. Change is really hard and doesn’t seem to ever come, and when it does it sometimes seems like a short time later I am thinking “Oh yeah, I have already learned this. And here I am struggling with it again.” But this week I have realized that this is how change works and that I really do change every day.

I recently found something beautiful that I think illustrates this thought perfectly: “Progress through something traumatic, it’s not linear. It’s not like we go from unhealthy to healthy, failure to success. I think it’s all circular. You just come back around to the same pain, and the same loneliness. But each time you come around you’re stronger from the climb.” -Glennon Doyle Melton

Every time we think we have changed, we seem to come back around and have to face that problem all over again. But I agree with Glennon. I believe that every time we have defeated that dragon once again, we are stronger. We have learned something new. And we will never be the same again.

For me, this is very significant when looked at through the eyes of spirituality. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and we believe that when we are baptized, we make certain promises to God and he makes promises to us. We are only baptized once, but every Sunday after that we go to church and take the sacrament (the bread and water) and we renew that promise that we made with God. One of the things promised to us is that if we come to church repenting (meaning wanting to change, desiring to do better and fix things we have done wrong) then every time we take that bread and water we are changed. We are a new person. Our desires for good are strengthened and our desires for bad lose some of their hold on us. And nothing will ever be the same again.

It's good to know where you are weak so you are aware of where you can improve, but I think there is danger in starting out a quest for change by focusing on everything wrong with you. For me, it is so defeating. I get so wrapped up in every little thing wrong with me that I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, and any belief that I can actually conquer those weaknesses is long gone.

This week I have realized that for me it is incredibly easier to change if I overcome my weaknesses by focusing on my strengths. I know that sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but think about this. I have so much more power when I start out my journey acknowledging the ground I have already won. Instead of “I say the meanest things when I get sassy. How can I hurt people this way? I am not very kind.” I try to think “Ok, who can I love today? What can I do to love them? I am pretty good with my words and compliments. I am going to try to genuinely compliment X amount of people today.” See the difference? I think the end result of speaking fewer mean words is accomplished, without even having to hate yourself for being a mean person! And since this method is so guilt free, it’s a lot harder to lose momentum. Because every time I make even a little progress I am not greeted by my inner voice telling me how much I lack. Because my goal has absolutely nothing to do with what I lack.

And if you still think I am crazy, my good friend Socrates once said “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

There we go. We are not nouns, we are verbs. Constantly in motion and ever-changing. And if we stop assessing our progress by how much we still lack and instead love ourselves for what we have gained, we can start being exactly who we want to be almost immediately. We can start living the life we have always wanted to live. One where we walk around with a purpose and are so grateful to be exactly who we are and where we are. Where we feel that we are the masters of our own fates and the captains of our souls.

xoxo, Autumn

The Extraordinary Love in Your Weakness.

Hello Beautiful World. Sorry for the crazy delayed blog post. I promise the excuse list is long and mostly convincing (I did move 3 times, went on two trips to California, became manager at my work, started school, planned a wedding, and got married). I have been married for over 2 months now and have completely run out of excuses. So here I go!

Well my lovely friends, I have been thinking a lot recently about weaknesses. I don't even like that word. Every time we talk about weaknesses, it's as if they are something that must be eradicated as soon as possible. We must be strong. We must be warriors. We must "overcome, overcome, overcome" (That word is ALWAYS associated with weakness. Especially at church.) It's like we all theoretically know that everyone makes mistakes, but there is this unspoken rule that you aren't allowed to admit to it. You must have it all together. All the time.

But I am realizing more and more how being weak, and loving ourselves through it, can be one of the bravest and most loving things we will ever do.

Everyone knows we are imperfect. And they want to see that. Think about it: You probably know someone who is hard to connect with. When I was a teenager, I told a friend about something embarrassing that had happened to me. Her reply? That she had never had something like that happen to her. I know! Completely shut down. That conversation was awkward and ended right there. Because how do you connect to a robot who never makes mistakes? I bet you can also think of someone who makes you feel awesome about yourself and is pleasant to talk to. For me, those people are the ones who share their struggles and show empathy towards mine, instead of trying to only show the side of them they have perfected. Those people become my best friends. As humans, we connect to each other with our wounds.

My husband and I like to choose a different piece of spiritual writing or sermon each week and we then take it and read/listen to it and discuss and have the most beautiful soul talks. Soul talks that always seem to end up talking about God, who is love. A few weeks ago we read a talk called Both Feet Forward. In it, he says something beautiful. That weakness is the key to authenticity and love. We are all in a state of striving and when we can admit that we are simply doing our best but loving ourselves through it all, that is pure love. And that love sets others free and gives them permission to love themselves even when they are weak, too.

One of my very favorite quotes ends like this: "...As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (Marianne Williamson)

I hope that by admitting that I have bad days others will realize that it's ok to have bad days, too. (Nobody likes the neverending optimist. They are kind of annoying. Not that I would ever call anyone annoying...) I hope that by admitting how awkward I feel in large crowds, how sometimes (often) I say really dumb things, and that I still have to make bright orange signs and hang them by my bed to remind me to pray and read my scriptures every day or I will sometimes just plain forget (So hard to admit. Be brave, Autumn.), other people will gain courage and be set free.

Don't pretend to have it all together all the time. It's so encouraging when you don't. Oh, how it lifts the heavy hearts and the hands that hang down! Everyone is simply doing their best and we all just need some love.

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities...in necessities...in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

xoxo, Autumn

p.s. In the picture, I'm the really pretty one in the backseat who can do that really attractive trick with her eyes. Obvs an object of jealousy.

What I Have Learned About Gratitude Since I Got Engaged

"Choose your love, love your choice." Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

A few weeks ago I was in a funk and I was in deep. Every day was a struggle to be happy. And the worst part about funks is that often you feel like you haven't changed anything in your life, and yet something is just not right. I was still reading my scriptures every day, I was still praying often, I was still looking for people to love and serve everywhere I went. And yet I was unhappy. Every day was a struggle. And every night I went to bed feeling pretty defeated. "I didn't love that person like I could have. Remember when you got back from your mission and you were so good at loving everybody all the time? Remember when your morning scripture studies and prayers were so good? Remember when you would walk around every day and felt so strongly and distinctly that God was guiding you? Remember when...remember when...remember when..."

Every day I walked around, comparing myself to who I was right after I returned from my mission. I thought that I had it all figured out back then. Back when life was practically perfect and I was on top of the world. But recently, I must have lost it. I wasn't doing something right. And this non-stop comparison was beating me into the ground.

One night, I broke down to my fiance and told him how I had been feeling. I explained that I thought the problem was that I was living in the past, comparing my every move to a better way I had once lived. I also expressed that I thought gratitude had something to do with it, but i just couldn't figure out what. I felt pretty stuck. I couldn't figure out how to just stop comparing myself to who I used to be. Where to even begin?

A few days later, I was sitting in church thinking about this when I felt like God reached down and whispered in my ear "It's gratitude. Look for quotes about gratitude." I pulled out my phone and googled gratitude quotes and stumbled across the most beautiful thing:

"The real gift of gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become." Robert Holden

There it was. THE MORE GRATEFUL YOU ARE THE MORE PRESENT YOU BECOME. The more you look around your life and see the good and things to love, the easier it is to stay in the present and not fantasize the past. Because that's just the thing, I was completely fantasizing. When I look back more honestly on those months right after my mission, life was HARD. I didn't have it all figured out, not even close. I struggled. I still had times every day when I wasn't as kind as I could have been. I still struggled to be happy sometimes. I didn't always feel like God was there, intently directing my life. I was just a human. And I was just trying. The same way I am now.

I stopped comparing myself to who I thought I used to be right then, and I began being grateful for what is happening in my life right now. And even being grateful for who I am right now, even when I feel so weak and like I am making a mess of things. I stopped thinking about how I was failing, and instead have been trying to focus on how kind and patient God and other humans are with me.

As gratitude began to permeate my life, I realized something huge for me: Gratitude is a choice. A choice to love things as they are, and not wish them any other way. And this is where getting engaged was the biggest lesson on gratitude I have ever experienced.

For a whole year after my mission, I was terrified of getting too serious with a boy. Commitment scared me, and every time a boy would get close, I would run run run. Then in September of last year I met a boy who was wonderful but didn't seem at all like the type of boy I would normally date. But the fact was, I was pretty swiftly smitten. Things were complicated in the beginning and we were both interested in other people when Matt and I met. But we felt so good about each other, so we made a faith-filled choice. Matt chose me. And I chose him. And that has made all the difference.

Because I chose him, I had more responsibility for the state of our relationship. If it crumbled, it was on me. If it thrived, it was on me. The choice was mine. I chose Matt and I chose to love him again and again every single day. (But let's be honest, Matt is the most wonderful human being on the planet and pretty easy to love. This is why it took me 6 months of dating him to realize all of this stuff about gratitude.)

When Matt and I decided to get engaged, I was amazed at how calm I felt. But I think I felt so calm because I knew it was my choice. God had made that abundantly clear every single time I had asked. And as I prayed to be sure, I remembered something that a girl had said once when I was helping her choose a wedding dress.

You see, I work in a bridal shop and help girls pick their dream dress. It's a big choice, and often I see girls who are stressed out of their minds deciding which dress is absolutely perfect. But one day a girl came in who was so wise and so calm. Her Mom kept asking her if the dress she had on was "really the one." She asked her about a hundred times if she was sure she didn't want to keep looking. Finally the daughter turned to her mother and said "Mom, I could keep looking. But choosing a dress is like choosing your husband. I could technically keep looking forever. BUT I LOVE THIS ONE. So I choose this one." That girl changed my life.

Now, I don't want you to think of this is settling. Anything but. I am talking about choosing something you love and then choosing to be happy with it and not wish it was something else. I am talking about gratitude in its purest and noblest form. This is love.Theoretically, there is ALWAYS something better just around the corner. But the thing is, there will always be something better than that. And something better than that. And something better than that. (And when I say better I actually mean "better.") You could keep looking forever. But what a sad way to live. To be so terrified of your own choices that you can't be happy with anything. Instead of just making good choices and then choosing to keep on loving them.

I use this every single day. I am in the midst of planning a wedding, and when wedding planning I think gratitude is a must if you don't want to lose your mind. It is SCARY EASY to fall into the ingratitude trap when planning a wedding. To become so paralyzed by perfectionism and every little thing needing to be absolutely "the best" that all the joy is sucked out of the planning. It is so easy to have anxiety about these things that are supposed to make you happy when you are so focused on the fear of choosing something not perfect. But when you are grateful, planning a wedding is the most beautiful and happy and wonderful experience in the world.

It is so easy to look at a beautiful wedding dress and be super nit-picky and choose a million little things that are just slightly wrong. But that is a choice. And it is also a choice to look at a wedding dress and decide you feel stunning in it and choose it. And then choose to love it and stop second-guessing and looking at other wedding dresses.  It is so easy to get your 500 engagement pictures back from your photographer and find something wrong with every single one and decide that none of them are perfect enough to send in your wedding announcement. But that is a choice. And it is also a choice to realize that these pictures are all ridiculously beautiful and pick one! Nobody is going to notice that the sun wasn't in the exact position you had hoped or that the flowers in the background were yellow instead of white. Make decisions. Make choices. And then choose to keep on loving them.

Well, I think this is the end of my soul chat for the day. Everything I write here are things that I am struggling with. I have not mastered this at all. I have to wake up every day and choose to love everything about my life and my fiance and my wedding all over again. But I can tell you one thing. The trying still works. You don't have to master this to have the benefits. The minute you start seeing life through the lens of "What can I love?" everything changes. And you will be filled to bursting with so much joy you can hardly contain it.

Choose your love. Love your choice. It will change your life.

xoxo Autumn

Soul Talks

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Ernest Hemingway

I fell in love with writing when I lived in France for a year and a half. I went there as a missionary for my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, otherwise known as the Mormon Church. I left my family and all my friends behind and went off to live amongst people I had never met but loved already. While a missionary, the only source of contact I had with my family was letter writing. They could be digital or hand-written, but either way I sat down every week and composed letters to my family filled with stories and pictures and everything I was learning. I also didn't want to forget any of the experiences I was having and the beautiful things I was seeing every day, so I became an avid journal keeper. I mean avid. I filled no less than 10 journals in that year and a half. My time in France was mainly spent talking to people, loving everything and everyone, and then writing writing writing, AND I FELL IN LOVE.

Every time I sat down to write I felt like a new section of my heart opened up and everything I had learned and experienced came together in a more meaningful way. It was then that I also realized that writing was a way to have soul talks when I was far from those who truly knew me. Soul talks are what I call those conversations with dear friends that expand your soul and heal your heart. Those conversations that you walk away from wanting to live a more beautiful life and be better than you were before. I discovered that I could write out everything I was learning and walk away with that same soul-expanded, heart-stretched, eyes-opened feeling.



And that brings me to today. It has been 18 months since I returned from France and I still miss it terribly. In that year and a half since being home I have learned and grown and found more and more reasons to be happy to be alive. I started school at a University in Utah and have declared myself a Journalism major, and even landed a job at my school's newspaper. (Woo!) I have dearly missed my written soul talks, and it is for that reason that I have decided to take all of the lessons I am learning and things my soul is bursting to share and send them out into the void. And if I can help even one person out there feel loved and understood, then I think these musings will not have been mused in vain. So, off I go! Soul chat #1: GRATITUDE.