Our Story

In September 2015, my cousin, Arden, was at working at Rocco’s Deli in Provo when a group of boys walked in and ordered sandwiches. One of the boys, Mitch, thought that she was really cute so Matt helped him write her a note on a napkin, asking her out. He gave her the napkin, and then left before she could read it, but left his phone number. I lived with Arden in an apartment in Provo, and when she came home that night she told me all about it and I encouraged her to call him the next day and say yes! She did and they went out a few days later. The date was at Mitch’s place, and some other friend’s were over and they had a fire in the back yard. That night, Arden met Matt. They talked some and Arden found out that Matt had served his mission in West Africa and so he spoke French. She talked to Mitch and they decided that they should set us up on a date, since I served my mission in Paris, France and spoke French as well.

On September 19^th  the day of the date came. Matt and Mitch picked us up and we all went to the mall with 75 balloons and passed them out to strangers. I was all about that and absolutely loved it! Afterwards, we went and got some ice cream and then ate it while we sat on a hug tree stump in a park. We just talked a lot, laughed, shared stories, and teased each other. That night I went home with a false impression of Matt. I felt like I had been made fun of all night and couldn’t figure out if Matt was teasing me or completely serious. When I came home I told Kaity that I would never wanted to go out with that boy again.

Matt and I kept hanging out, though. Mitch was still interested in Arden and every time he would ask her to do something with him, she would ask me to come with her. I went and always had a good time and decided that we would all just be friends. I thought Matt was fun to talk to and also very fun to flirt with, and after a while I started to have an interest in him. I was so annoyed I kind of liked him! I remember telling Arden “Why do I like him?! It doesn’t make any sense!” A few weeks later, I planned a big Harry Potter Halloween party with my roommates. Matt and Mitch came and that night Matt and I talked a bit via text. The conversation turned kind of weird and confusing and we misunderstood each other.  

After that, I figured we weren’t friends and that Matt didn’t like me. Two weeks later, it was my birthday and Matt texted me and wished me a happy birthday. I didn’t know why he was texting me, so I didn’t reply until all the festivities had ended late that night. When I replied and said “thank you” he texted me back and asked how I was doing and about my life. We talked a little bit and then he asked me if I would like to go out again. I was kind of confused so I told him I would but we should talk first. The next day, he came over and we talked and figured everything out. Then we decided to go on a date a few days later.

He picked me up on November 21^st and we went to a Belgian restaurant in Provo. I was glad we were friends again, but definitely didn’t think that this date was going to go anywhere. We laughed a lot on the way there, and then we got our food and as we began to talk I mentioned the 36 questions to fall in love with anyone. I mentioned that I was doing them with the girls at my work because they were just really good questions to get to know people. Matt suggested that we ask them to each other. I said as a complete joke “Ok, but only if you promise not to fall in love with me.” We both laughed and began to ask the questions. We only made it through 12 of them. And it took us 4 hours. We sat in that restaurant for 4 hours and talked and talked. We talked about our missions and our families and our feelings about God and Christ. At the end of the night, I was really impressed. Matt was completely different than I thought and I couldn’t wait to see him again.

Meanwhile, I had been going on dates with another boy who I really liked. We had been hanging out for a while and he was the first person I had met in a very long time that I could see myself committing to. We went on a date, and then he left to go home for Thanksgiving break. Two days after our date was the day Matt and I went out to the Belgian restaurant.

A few days after my second date with Matt, he asked me out again. We doubled with a girl from my mission, Natalie. Everyone came over to my place and we made crepes and had such a wonderful night. After a while, everyone else left and Matt stayed behind. We sat on my couch and talked some more. After a bit he said that he was really confused and needed to tell me something. He told me that there was another girl that he had been interested in and thought he was going to date, and that I had caught him off guard. He didn’t know what to do. I told him about the other guy and said that I was in a similar situation. The more we talked though, the more I forgot the other boy. The more I was interested in Matt. Matt asked me out for a date a week later and we decided we would take a week to figure it out. But I told Matt that if after a week he still didn’t know what to do, then it wasn’t me. I wasn’t a second choice. Matt left and I went to bed.

The next morning I woke up and I just knew that nothing was going to ever happen between me and Matt. But I was really proud of myself for being so vulnerable the night before and making it known that I cared about him even though nothing would come from it. I texted Natalie and let her know what had happened and that Matt and I weren’t going to date. I told her I was sad but that I felt really exhilarated because I had been so brave and I was ready to move onto better things and that maybe I would end up dating the other guy when he got back.

That day, Natalie went to church and asked Matt what had happened. He told her everything we had talked about and Natalie told Matt that if he let me go, it would be a mistake. She told him how much she adores me and she told him that girls like me don’t come along very often and he only had one chance because otherwise I would be gone. She told him about my text and that I was already moving on. Then she asked him what he was going to do and he said that he was going to go after me.

That evening I was waiting for my home teachers when someone knocked on the door. I opened it and it wasn’t them. It was Matt. I asked him what he was doing there. He said “I couldn’t wait a week.” He came in and we sat down and he told me that he chose me and that I was the one he wanted to date. Then I asked “So, what should we do now?” He said “Well, I kiss you and we date.” But I was still confused. I told him that I still needed a week. I wanted to date him, but we should date in a week. That night, Matt stayed and we watched White Christmas. He held my hand for the first time.

The next day, I woke up and realized that I didn’t need a week anymore. I realized that I had just done the exact thing to him that he had done to me. I realized that the only person I wanted to date was Matt. I chose him. The next night, December 1^st, Matt came over and took me to go get cupcakes and hot chocolate. We went back to my place and sat on my couch and talked. Then Matt kissed me. And we decided to date.

A few months later, we talked casually about marriage just to make sure that we were on the same page. We decided that at the very earliest, we would get engaged in June.

Sometime after that, we were sitting in Matt’s car talking and he told me that his timeline had changed. It was moving up. I agreed and we decided to set a tentative time that we would get married. We talked about the end of July or beginning of August for about a week. We didn’t know how long it would take to find a ring, so we decided to go ring shopping just to get an idea. Well, in the very first store, I tried on the perfect ring. It had lots of diamonds but I just fell in love. We went to a lot of different stores and I tried on a lot of bands, but I hated them all. I had said I didn’t want diamonds and just a gold band, but that made Matt sad. He said “I want other guys to look at your hand and think “Wow, her guys treats her nice” I love that man. So we went back to the first store and I tried on that perfect ring again. We went home and talked about everything and I told Matt that I just loved that ring and I wanted that one. Then we talked about when we would get engaged and we decided probably the beginning of April. Then we realized that our mission reunions were at the end of March and we would love to be able to introduce each other to our mission presidents as fiancé.

We got engaged March 25^th. I had been planning a big group date with some friends, and unbeknownst to me, Matt had hijacked it. He was planning the engagement and feeding me all the information through my friends so I had no idea any of it was coming from him. We decided to go up American Fork canyon to have a bonfire and that we would all meet at the Timpanogos temple on Friday night. Earlier that week, I met Matt at the train station and he showed me this big picture of an amphitheatre. He told me it was built in the 1930’s and that it was right by his house and he had never realized it was that old. He said we should go there some time. I agreed, and we left the station.

That Friday, Matt and I went out to eat at a burger place and then headed up to the temple. I got texts from everyone saying that they were going to be late. Matt and I got to the temple and he said that the amphitheatre was right next to the temple and that we should go and look at it while we waited for everyone. We drove over to it and parked at the bottom. We got out and started walking up to it when I saw that the whole theatre was covered with lights. As we got closer, I all of a sudden heard ‘When You Say You Love Me’ from Josh Groban and realized that all of the lights were actually 200 candles in mason jars hat had been placed all over the steps. I said to Matt “Should we be here? It looks like someone is getting proposed to.” And as the word escaped my mouth, I realized it was me! I was the one being proposed to. Matt led me up on stage where there was a bouquet of roses and a love letter. Then Matt knelt down and asked me if I would marry him. I said “Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.” And then he put the ring on my finger and I bent down and kissed him.

We got married July 14^th. (Which happens to be Bastille Day, France’s Independence Day. Vive la France!) Matt picked me up and we drove together to the temple, the Newport Beach California Temple. We went inside and my Mom helped me dress in my white dress and temple clothes. I met Matt in the Celestial room and we waited together. We talked to our sealer and then we walked together into the sealing room. It was filled with our family and friends. We sat down and listened to our sealer give us the most beautiful advice. I held Matt’s hand with one hand and my Mom’s hand with the other. Our sealer’s name was Rulon Peterson and we sat and listened as he spoke to us about covenants. Then he asked Matt to lead me up to the altar and we knelt across from each other. We held hands as the sealer began speaking. As soon as I looked into Matt’s eyes across the altar I began crying. I was overcome with love and joy and that the man I loved wanted to marry me too and be with me for all eternity. And as I began crying, Matt began crying too. All I could do was smile at Matt as tears rolled down my cheeks. And Matt did the same. Tears poured down his cheeks and he looked at me like I had never been looked at before. And in that moment I was the happiest I had ever been. All I could see was Matt and our life together for all eternity.

He sealed us together forever and then we kissed over the altar. We then stood up and hugged everyone as they congratulated us. Then I went to the dressing room with my Mom, sisters, and Arden. They dressed me and got me all ready and then I went out and met Matt in the waiting area. Then we walked out together as a married couple. And everyone we love cheered and we went around and hugged them all. Then we took a few family pictures and we all drove to Victorville for our very chill El Pollo Loco luncheon.

The night was perfect. Everything was beautiful. The tables had navy tablecloths, point d’esprit, candles in jars and greenery. The sign-in table had an embossed leather guest book and then pictures of Matt and me and our parents and grandparents. There were globe lights strung everywhere and everything was lit by the perfect glow. My Mom also wrote our names and drew flowers on big chalkboards. The first half of the night we greeted all of our guests and talked with them. The second half was the best dance party I have ever been to! Matt always dances with me and I love him for it. I also danced with all my sisters and my Mom and my cousin and a bunch of Matt’s family. It was so much fun. We went absolutely crazy. Finally, it was time to leave. Everyone threw bird seed for us as we left. We got in our car and drove away. It was the most perfect day of my life.

I love Matt Rybin. I have never loved anyone so much. And I have never been so loved.

Everything is love. It's all love.

For many years now I have been completely in love with love. And when I say love I am not really talking about romantic love, I am talking about kindness and love for everyone. And recently I have been thinking a whole lot about love and some things I may have been wrong about.

Sometimes I feel like I focus too much on love. I am afraid of losing sight of other important things (like patience or gratitude or faith, etc.) if I am only focusing on love. I want to be virtuously well-rounded, I guess. :) So for a while now I have been trying to not only read talks about and study love, but also force myself to read talks on and study other subjects. I have been trying to not only find quotes about love, but also find quotes about other virtues. I have been trying to not be so one-sided. It makes logical sense that if you neglect an area, it will simply deteriorate. And I had obviously been neglecting a lot of areas. Basically everything but love. Which was preposterous! So I decided to change and let love go a bit.


And it was a big mistake. Quite silly, actually. When I was living in France, I just let myself be obsessed with love. I basically just gave all my passion and devotion to loving other people in every way. And it made me so happy. I don't think I wasn't virtuously well-rounded at all. On the contrary, some how I was growing spiritually in every way even though I was mostly focused on one thing.

So this is what I have realized: Love really is the center of everything and some how, almost as if by magic, if you devote all of your energy into love and why we love and how we love, I believe that all of the other virtues will naturally come to us as well.

Because love is everything. It can be found in every virtue. It is the why and the how of every other good thing we want to develop.

Now, maybe everyone doesn't feel called to love love the way I do. I think everyone has to find their own path. I believe that God has specific things he needs us to focus on and it could vary from person to person. But I believe that if we focus on whatever God needs us to, we will never be unbalanced or not well-rounded. I believe that every other virtue will come to us.

Now sometimes it is hard for to give myself permission to obsess about love because I just love love! And if I enjoy something this much it must not be my path. God's will is supposed to be the hardest thing, always against whatever I really want to be doing. Right? Um... this is crazy talk. (Sometimes I will sit down to read a talk and come across a talk about love and I get so excited. But then I will think "No, this is not love time. This is hope time." Seriously. It's gotta stop. Because it's cray cray.) If you are a good person and striving and trying to do God's will and be a good person, I think that more often than not your desires will be aligned with whatever God wants from you. I absolutely believe that God places certain desires in us for a reason. Trust that. Do what you love. Go after it unashamedly.

Finally, to end all of this, I want to share part of a message from the leaders of my church. It goes like this:

"As Church members, we sometimes have a tendency to attach ourselves to gospel programs, issues, and even doctrines that seem interesting, important, or enjoyable to us. We are tempted to draw targets around them, making us believe we are aiming at the center of the gospel... How easy it would be to select our favorite gospel topic, draw a bull’s-eye around it, and then make a case that we have identified the center of the gospel.

This is not a problem unique to our day. Anciently, religious leaders spent a great deal of time cataloging, ranking, and debating which of the hundreds of commandments was the most important.
One day a group of religious scholars attempted to draw the Savior into the controversy. They asked Him to weigh in on an issue upon which few could agree. “Master,” they asked Him, “which is the great commandment in the law?” We all know how Jesus answered: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Please note the last sentence: “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”The Savior not only showed us the target, but He also identified the bull’s-eye...

The more we learn about God and feel His love for us, the more we realize that the infinite sacrifice of Jesus Christ is a divine gift of God. And God’s love inspires us to use the path of true repentance, which will lead to the miracle of forgiveness. This process enables us to have greater love and compassion for those around us. We will learn to see beyond labels. We will resist the temptation to accuse or judge others by their sins, shortcomings, flaws, political leanings, religious convictions, nationalities, or skin color.

We will see every one we meet as a child of our Heavenly Father—our brother or our sister.
We will reach out to others in understanding and love—even those who may not be particularly easy to love. We will mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.
And we will realize that there is no need for us to agonize about the correct gospel target.
The two great commandments are the target. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. As we accept this, all other good things will fall into place.

If our primary focus, thoughts, and efforts are centered on increasing our love for Almighty God and extending our hearts to others, we can know that we have found the right target and are aiming at the bull’s-eye—becoming true disciples of Jesus Christ." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign January 2017, The Chruch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)

It's all love. And I give myself permission to be endlessly passionate about love. Loving God and loving everyone. It is the center of everything and I know that everything else will fall into place, just as God intends.

I love you all so much I could burst. Thank you for loving me enough to devote some of your time to reading the musings of an aspiring writer. 

xoxo, Autumn

(p.s. This is Matt. And he knows a lot about love. He is so good at it. That's why I chose this picture.)

Couraging

A few weeks ago Matt and I went to go see the new Disney movie Moana. I was expecting it to be comparable to Frozen. You know, cute, adorable, not really life-altering but pleasant and all around lovely. And instead… I cried probably 4 times. And not just teared up. Tears were silently pouring down my face as I watched this young girl bravely do things that terrified her because she loved her people and her island. She was a beautiful portrayal of a courageous being. And all I could think about was how much I desperately wanted to be like her.

You see, I don’t feel very brave. In a lot of areas in my life. I am shy and it is semi-tortuous sometimes to even introduce myself to strangers and put myself out there to meet people.  Since I have been married, often when I kiss Matt goodbye at the door as he leaves for school, this fear will creep over me. What if he crashes the car or something happens to his train? What if I don’t ever see him again? I feel fear sometimes when I leave the house. Did I leave the gas on? Did I unplug the iron? MY curler? Should I leave a light on to ward off burglars? Or what if something happens and the house catches fire? I feel fear when I drive in the snow. I am no good at driving in the snow. I feel fear when I have to drive to Salt Lake by myself. When I have to do new things. When I have to talk on the phone. When I have to be a vulnerable human.

And I am so tired. So tired of feeling afraid. I want to be like that Disney princess. I want to be brave. I want to be a courageous being.

After the movie, I thought a lot about bravery and the most courageous people I have ever known. And I immediately thought of my Mom’s best friend, Karen. Karen passed away a little over a year ago, but before she did, she wrote me a letter when I was going through one of the hardest times of my life. She gave me all of her wisdom about what it means to be truly courageous. This is what she said:

“I don’t want to get to heaven and look back on my life and see me, the heroine in my story, come up against hard situations and get thrown off or distracted by fear or whatever else and slither off, non-descript. That would never be acceptable in a movie, and especially in a life. We expect the heroine to come through and it feels wonderful when she does… We can’t have words like victory, valiant and triumph in our stories without coming up against hard things and pushing through them.”

“Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” –Eddie Rickenbacker-

That’s courage. Courage isn’t having everything figured out. It’s not knowing what each day or week or month or year will bring but knowing that you will get through it. It’s daring to live vulnerably and love deeply even though those we love may die or be hurt. Courage is daring to try new things because it expands your world. And every bit of practice helps. We learn courage by couraging.

In closing, I think sometimes we need a deep motivation to be courageous. It’s hard to be courageous for no reason other than yourself. But to be brave for others? All of a sudden, nothing can stop me. I simply will find the courage.

There is a part in the movie where Moana says “I don’t know what I am doing, but my island is dying so I am here.” And that’s it. It’s all love. With love I will muster every bit of courage I have. I will introduce myself to strangers even when I am convinced that I feel 100x more awkward and socially inept than they do. I will compliment them and speak my love, and be brave enough to risk them thinking I am weird. I will love them enough to risk not getting the opportunity to tell my stories and talk about myself and instead encourage them tell their stories and be heard! I want to be courageous because it takes courage to love other people.

The brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. And I want to live and love with all my heart.

xoxo, Autumn